My hubby being selfish or . . .?

Yes, he was being selfish. Did you tell him that you love him and that you promise to make it up to him on a better day like your wedding anniversary or birthday. Happy days of celerbration not days of morning. I think because he never really experiences what you experienced he can't feel the same way you do and he sees how unhappy you are and wants you to be happy and he feels that he can make you happy by making love to you, but what would make you happy is to let you grieve on that day. I hope some day he understand and sometime you understand that your father Wants you to be happy even on the day he died.